Finding Your Voice In The Silence

"Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk."
​-Doug Larson

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Isn't it funny how we can run from ourselves by filling silence with sound? Stay focused on the chatter and you'll never hear what truly matters. I'll admit, I'm an addict to sound but so are you. From the moment you wake up, there's a screen in your face or sounds in your ears. How can you learn to listen if there's so much noise in the way? 
Some of us use this technique as a way to hide from ourselves because we haven't yet mastered self-talk and are still too afraid to try. If I'm busy following this week's political scandal I can't worry about my business. Others don't even know they're doing it. Blocking out their own voice for so long, they barely even hear it anymore. 
Your marriage with yourself must include the most fundamental of principles: listening to your partner. In our study, we are our own partners- and if you don't start listening to yourself you'll easily listen to others and be led astray. I feel like I'm always surrounded by rejection, and if I listen to their voices I'd never write another thing.

Be comfortable in silence, opt to turn off the tv today or drive to work without the radio. But be warned that when you venture into your silence you'll not only hear your voice but that of your fears as well. I've taken perfectly innocent bike rides to clear my mind that turned into 30-minute sessions of how I'm an utter failure. 
The self-talk radio will begin to blare it's top greatest hits about why you're a loser, a failure, incapable, selfish, unlovable, a bad parent, a bad child-maybe you've heard them before?
And this is where the temptation to plug in earbuds will be overwhelming because your silence is too painful. But as love guided me through negative self-talk, so wisdom guided me to silence where I found my healing and you can too.

It starts with silence, then follows with listening. Many thoughts will pass your mind. Simple thoughts of budgets, family, bills… but stay silent longer and your thoughts will begin to deepen. Your fears ever more present, but your dreams will be too. 

​For me, the conversation usually goes something like this: "I should ask Jackie to go out dancing with me this Friday! We haven't been out in forever and I wanna go do something fun." But just as soon as my thoughts wander to dreams, the self-talk radio starts playing. "You'll go out Friday IF you don't get sick you mean. Who's gonna drive your anxiety riddled self? What're you gonna wear? You don't have any clothes, plus they probably don't even wanna hang out with you anyway. Look at you." And that's about the point I'd go running and screaming back into my bed to hide under the covers. 
But someone far wiser than me said our thoughts are but leaves in the stream of our consciousness. We have the power to pick each up, examine them, and let them go. We have the choice to keep them or to allow them to wash by us. 
This is one of the foundations of meditation, to allow the peaceful journey of thoughts and emotions into your stream of consciousness. So when I start seeing those emotions of fear, anxiety and low self-esteem swim by, I can let them do just that- go by. I'm in control and I can choose not to hold onto them. And if I do decide to pick up my anxiety and cradle it for a while, I know that I can always set it down too. The choice is completely mine.
​But just like you wouldn't only listen to your spouse for 3 minutes a day when you wake up, you also can't just listen to yourself for a few minutes a day.  

​You are your greatest partner in this life, so listen and listen often-not just 3 minutes a day cross-legged on your floor, not just at the gym or in the shower. Truly give yourself the opportunity to listen and feel throughout the day- you got some important stuff to say!
As you watch your thoughts float by, remember that you and you alone are in control over what to do with them. Pick them up. Hold them. Let them go. Watch the stream flow. Find your voice in the silence. 

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