Not too long ago and not too far away …
On your way to slay a demon you must travel through lands like Denial, Realization, and the Hills of Failure (which feels like you're going up, until the hill slopes and you tumble head down again).
But the most difficult trial that you'll find is in the land of Negative Self Talk. Many have tried to pass through, but most stay behind, drawn in by the self-talk radio that never stops its whine.
Great warriors with big mouths and prideful hearts tell you tales of overcoming that self-talk with your own versions of positive speak. They'll tell you to just aim your affirmations confidently at the sky.
Champions tell you to block out the repeat of "No one loves you" blaring from the speakers by covering your ears and covering your peepers.
Soldiers will tell you to fight that self-talk radio and go into battle, crying all for one, one for all, as you go.
But they are wrong.
The warriors, the champions, and soldiers are all woefully mistaken and get lost somewhere between the land of Negative Self Talk and the Hills of Failure, never making it to their final destination.
I'm neither a champion or a solider, but I've traveled to the land of Self Talk and took the advice of others who went before me. My journey led me to silence where I heard "No one cares about you" and "Nothing matters anyway."
When I fought as the warrior and aimed my positive words high ("I'm worthy of love"), the self-talk radio only blared back louder
"No. You're. Not."
When I fought as a champion and tried to blot out the sounds of my fear, I realized the radio was playing them from within. No matter how much I covered my ears or covered my eyes, the words of despair grew louder from inside.
So I fought like the solider and I shouted a battle cry. "I'M NOT A FAILURE!!!" but the words only died on my lips, without the self confidence to carry them further.
Thinking all hope was lost and that I would never slay my demons, I laid my body down and allowed the sounds of my past failures to play on repeat for far too long. The longer I laid there, the more fear in me came as love was pushed out, I watched it drain away.
How did I survive to tell you this tale of fear and love and the self-talk radio?
Well, see there's one thing that fear doesn't want you to know. There's a secret it keeps way down below, where most people won't travel, can't get to, or go.
For you see dear reader, this is your land and your home- what you've built from your heart and soul. If fear is what you've built then fear is what you'll get.
If indeed, you create a playlist of your worst fears and replay them over and over, who turned on that radio?
Who found the station of self-deprecation?
Why, it was you dear reader who chose this destination.
Because Fear counts on one thing and one thing only, that you'll think you're not in control of your own country, that you are bound to wonder the endless earth through Hills of Failure and even worse.
But Love told me the secret to cure the self-talk radio, to silence the negative words that replay in my head.
"We are builders of our worlds. We are the creators of our lands. We are the designers of what we wish to be."
Then Love smiled and looked upon me.
"You can not lie to yourself to end the self-talk, nor can you fight it. You can not free yourself by trapping yourself."
If you wish to be free of the sounds of self-hate, the answer is quite simple.
If you're trying to make it through the Land of Negative Self Talk, there is but one solution.
It's your radio.
Change the station.
Linda Lavender writes articles to help folks with Auto Immune Disease, Depression, Anxiety and other health related illnesses.