It’s a warm Tuesday evening as the door slams and Mr. Wagner walks through it- precisely at 6:01 pm, the same hour (and minute) he arrives home every day.
Mrs. Wagner is the living room, folding clean laundry on the sofa. "Hey honey, how was your day?" she asks. With a huff, Mr. Wagner lays down his work things on the counter. "Where's dinner? What've you been doing all day?"
Molly's face falls and her brows push together to meet one another directly above her not-so perfect nose. "The girls were just crazy today babe, I haven't made dinner yet, but I'll do it in a minute."
"I'm so sick of this. You do nothing all fucking day and then I'm at work- for you- and you can't make dinner?" he asks while pointing at her face.
"Babe-" Mrs. Wagner begins but is quickly cut off by her husband. "Seriously Molly, what're you good for if you can't even do that?"
Now, you and I are quite aware that this isn't a marriage made in Heaven. You're probably telling yourself that you'd never be with anyone who talked to you like that. You'd throw that sexist, controlling ass right outta your house and your life- and probably never look back because you know you deserve better and don't have to put up with that.
Mr. Wagner is also the type of man who wants his wife to have the perfect body, often insisting that maybe she should put the pie down and pick up her ass and get into shape. "I didn't marry a fat ass, and I sure don't want to now, your body disgusts me." he would tell her.
"You don't deserve that. Why don't you stop thinking about yourself and take care of your damn kids? You're a horrible mother." Mr. Wagner would tell his wife when she was shopping.
Can you imagine having a co-worker tell you that you'll never get promoted because you're not good enough? Picture a friend looking you right in the eyes and telling you that nobody, not a soul on this earth will ever love you. What if every day that you woke up and opened your eyes, someone rolled over next to you and said "Good morning! You're ugly, fat, and stupid- nobody even cares about you, why bother getting up?"
What would you do? Would you embrace these people, agree their right and ask for more? Would allow them to pick you apart day after day? No! You'd tell them all to go to hell and get outta your life. If you were the victim in these abuse situations you'd tell them all to leave, you'd get outta there, or get help from someone who loves you.
But what if you're the abuser? What if you're the one telling yourself that you're useless, that no one cares, that no one will ever want you?
While you'd never dream of saying those awful things to your spouse, your co-workers or people you care about, you have no problem telling yourself what a worthless piece of shit you are, day in, day out. What kinda marriage is that? An abusive one, and the only marriage where you can both be the victim and the abuser.
Turning that on its head, when was the last time you told yourself that you are worthy of love and affection? Can you remember a time that you looked yourself in the mirror and gave mercy to the eyes looking back at you?
Just like marriage, we can forget all that makes us wonderful and stop appreciating the small miracles of everyday love. If you're intent on making your self-love marriage work, you've got to stop being the abuser- and the victim.
True love, real, deeply felt and experienced love, keeps no record of wrongs. It is patient, kind, and ever enduring. To begin to love yourself, you must create a vision of the world from a new perspective. You must see yourself the way Love sees you, and treat yourself just as you would a new found flame.
You don't have to be the monster in the mirror. You can choose to be the light. You don't have to tell yourself you hate yourself anymore. You can leave the past in the past. You can choose to forgive yourself for your regrets and be kind to yourself.
The monster in the mirror isn't you, and never really was. What you see is a reflection of fear staring back at you, and if you want to slay this demon and see yourself again, there's only one cure and only one hero who can administer it.
Only love can drive out fear and only self-love can drive out self-hate. If you want to find yourself again, you must first be willing to kill the monster in the mirror, and when you fight with love, you will win- because my dear, love always wins- so go slay your demons.
Linda Lavender writes articles to help folks with Auto Immune Disease, Depression, Anxiety and other health related illnesses.