After all, nearly all the info we're gonna cover is about your covers and what's under them. You wouldn't think dust mites would make for excellent pillow talk, but you'd be wrong.
Since I have your rapt attention and see you're snuggling your pillow in your arms, I got just the thing to get you warmed up (if ya know what I mean). What if I told you that your pillow weighs more now than it did when you bought it? That'd be pretty weird right? But I'm about to blow your socks off.
After about three years, pillows weigh up to 10% more from (here's where it gets sexy) living dust mites, dead dust mites, and their excrement.
You're literally laying your face in poop and dead bodies night after night. Now some of you may be thinking that dust mites are teeny tiny bugs and doubt they could weigh that much. Sure, I dig that my little love bug, but about 100,000 dust mites are living in just 3 inches of space. How big is your pillow? Each dust mite produces about 20 fecal pellets a day. In case you're not a quick study, that's 20 million pieces of poop in just a space of 3 inches.
Because you've sat up and thrown your pillow across the room in horror, let's take it to second base and talk dirty.
Your mattress could have up 2 million dust mites in it, and I'm not going to do the math to tell you how many fecal pellets that is because I don't want you to get overexcited. But I will tantalize you with this fact: Dust mites live for about ten weeks. If half the population is female, that means 1 million dust mites are laying 1-3 eggs a day.
Third base in bed with a dust mite means something entirely different for him than it does to you. It's way more than Netflix and chill. Dust mites love to eat human skin. There's nothing tastier than soft, warm skin to a dust mite. They don't even need to come up for water, they pull it right outta the air and keep on chowing down on your skin flakes. It's one of the reasons they need humidity to survive, they literally drink from the air and eat from your epidermis.
But, I've teased you enough, it's time to get to the fourth base. If you're a typical reader, we've already been in bed together for over three minutes; and I don't wanna go beyond what you're already used to, so let's make this quick.
Dust mites live everywhere (in 8 out of 10 homes) but prefer soft places like bedding, blankets, pillows and stuffed animals. But they also resemble spiders. Spiders. Remember that the next time you wanna have a sexy pillow fight; you're just slamming your partner in the face with itsy, bitsy spider-like dust mites...
But they also live in carpeting, on fabric sofas, and even your clothes, so that pile of clothes you just threw on the floor probably has dust mites in them just waiting for your delicious skin sheddings.
After all that stimulating talk about your skin flakes and mite excrement, you may fall asleep right where you lay and when you wake up, have unexpected symptoms. You know what I'm talking about: congestion, stuffy nose, and the general sense of not being able to breathe. Although you may have had a fun time, you never feel as good the next day after sleeping with dust mites. Most people think they're allergic to dust, but they're really allergic to the mites.
If you find yourself swearing off beds and pillows, you're going about it all wrong; just because 2 million dust mites want to feast on your fresh skin doesn't mean you have to swear off all bedding- especially if I'm in it. Want a sip of my green tea?
1. Buy New Hypoallergenic Pillows
2. Buy Dust-Mite Proof Pillow Covers
3. Buy Dust Mite Proof Mattress Covers
After you've ordered your three new bed buddies, go ahead and wash the sheets you have now, your blanket, and any other fluffy things on your bed. Put Teddy in a freezer bag and leave him in the freezer for 24 hours to kill dust mites then tumble him in the dryer to knock out the dead bodies (like a hardened mite killer).
Wash all your bedding in hot water (130 degrees) to kill every last little skin eater, and do so weekly to keep them away.
By the time the sheets are in the dryer, begin dusting your bedroom from the top down with a wet cloth. Dust collects on windowsills, behind your decorative figurines and picture frames. Don't just knock it around with a dry duster, use a damp rag or cleaning cloth to pick up all the dust.
Lastly, vacuum the floors with a vacuum that has a HEPA air filter to catch all the allergens in your carpet and air. Doing all that cleaning may not feel very sexy, but in three hours when the dust (literally) settles, and your nose is free to pull air in and out, you'll think it's the hottest thing ever.
If you want to keep living a life of dust mite celibacy, decluttering your house, dusting, and washing your bedding are the best first steps, then purchase new pillows and cover them (and your mattress) with Dust-Mite proof covers. It may not sound very sensual, but these small changes make a big difference to your overall enjoyment. A little to the left, a little to the right, and before you know it, you've hit a home run in the dust mite game.